On Finding My Pink Again

AKA Feeling more myself/selves than ever.

Hey team.

This month I was interviewed for Kent Life magazine (what a flex!). I was late to the interview because that morning we were attempting to host an impromptu baby cinema screening of Eurovision Song Contest: The Legend Of Fire Saga (less of a flex, but what a film!) and despite looking forward to this meeting all week, I had got my timings mixed up. Thankfully Katy was very understanding, we had a lovely chat, and hopefully it will be published in time for my next newsletter so you can read it for yourselves.

One of the things I talked about was having passed the significant milestone of writing my first poem since my son was born that isn’t about him! This month my tour soft-launched in Amsterdam (another flex!) and it was my first time performing a solo show in another country - I was blown away by how many people turned up and how far they had travelled, and staying with a stranger that I’d met on the internet reminded me of how I spent a lot of my twenties when I was still figuring this full-time poet thing out. As tour continues (more on that below) I am getting flashes of who I was before I was a dad, even though I am also fundamentally changed forever.

Kent Life Katy told me that when flamingos are caring for their newborns they temporarily lose their pink colouring, because all their energy is put towards keeping their chick alive. Their pink only comes back once their young become more self-sufficient!* At the start of February we went on holiday with a group of friends, two of whom we had visited in November on an overly ambitious road trip when (on reflection) we were at our least pink, and one of them kindly and gently commented that we had a ‘different energy this time around’. Reader, it’s coming back!

*I realise at 7 months old our son is far from being able to be described as self-sufficient, but he can now roll over and eat avocado so surely it can’t be long now.

A reminder of just how pink my flamingo can be.

As well as writing my first poem in a while not about my son, I am also still revisiting my notes from the first hundred days of his life and trying to decipher what on earth was going through my mind honing them into poems too. Here is one from Day 51 on a similar theme - It was my rescheduled gig in Liverpool and my first night away!

I tell myself 
that we’ve done well 
to make it this far.
That most people 
don’t have that luxury.
That it is just for one night.

That while I swore 
I wanted to be there for all of it, 
if the first thing I miss 
has to be your first vaccinations - 
which by all accounts 
sound traumatic for everyone involved,
then I guess I will have to take the hit.

As the train pulls out the station
I feel my soul begin to stretch,
like Lyra being torn from 
Pantalaimon on the shore.

I cannot comprehend 
my friend having to take 
his son to nursery.
Or how my cousin 
is being dropped off 
In time for Fresher’s Week.
 
Your great aunt says:
There is an ache 
whenever a parent 
is parted from their child
that we must learn 
to build a life around.

I made your mum promise 
to keep me updated throughout the day.
She sends a picture of you sleeping 
and I threaten to turn the train around there and then. 

Tells me the doctor has postponed your jabs 
because you are not yet 8 weeks old, 
so perhaps I can still be there after all.
I say we are due to have a bookcase delivered that day, 
so who knows, maybe one of us will have to stay at home. 

Tonight is the first time
I share any of these poems. 
As the gig goes on 
I slowly feel myself 
returning to myself.
Or at least a version of the person
who has never gone away,
but is still learning
how to rebuild
around you.

Speaking Of Tour!

I probably shouldn’t admit this but in my head tour starts properly in April. So far I have had a lovely holiday in Amsterdam and a day-trip on the train to Faversham before having a couple of weeks at home to recover. That being said Birmingham is going to be absolutely mega and the only date they could fit in was in March, and Margate gigs are always the best because they are in Margate (and I am bringing over the brilliant Emmet O’Brien from Dublin for it especially) so they are less warm-up gigs and more Supa Hot Fire straight out of the gate, and I would love to see you there. You can see the whole tour poster below - April’s dates are almost sold out already so be sure to get in there quick, and we have also just added an extra date in Woking (which is the only free gig of the tour) on July 3rd. Other shows of note are Norwich and London which currently have extra dates pencilled but only if we sell the first ones out quickly enough, so it really does make a different if you get in there early.

Any Other News

Last week we had an incredible Something Borrowed with the one and only Rob Auton and I am so excited for you to hear the recording, be sure to subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your podcasts to be the first to know. Then at the end of March we have got the wizardy lizard-y Gecko coming to town and you can get tickets here. It’s still one of my favourite things to do so I am hoping to maintain it while also going on tour, we will see if that turns out to be a good or a bad idea.

This week is World Book Week so I am celebrating by honouring some school commitments I made before I had a child and realised I didn’t have capacity to do school visits anymore, which feels like the end of an era in a way. I am also doing a bonus gig in London on March 6th with new poetry cool kids on the block Spit (which I think is sold out but why not book tickets to my London shows in July instead?) before rounding out the week in style by hosting a charity auction for my local primary school! It was very fun last year and it’s a chance to pick up some art from astronomically talented local artists while also supporting a local cause (if Margate is local to you!).

Otherwise I will continue to post poems online for people who can’t make it to my gigs, and continue to plug my gigs for people who can. Until next time, stay brilliant x